8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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