when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
