We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
