I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
