Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
