i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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