I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize