I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize