he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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