thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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