We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
