I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
