make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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