Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
