when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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