I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
