You can't motorboat a personality
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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