you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
