I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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