The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my being single is dangerous.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
