NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
