Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
