Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
