Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
