he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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