Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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