i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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