that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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