Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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