my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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