I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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