Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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