New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
worst night to have a conscience
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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