And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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