No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I could fuck to npr.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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