It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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