She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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