and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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