I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
