If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
