im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize