I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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