He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize