I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize