so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
