just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
