my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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