I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
