Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ttyl tear gas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
