well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
