In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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