somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
