I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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