Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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