It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
