I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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