dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
