loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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