Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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