I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize