i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
