hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
