I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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