I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Small penises have feelings too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
