I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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