Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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