I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
