Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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