Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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