The maid of honor just puked.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
