i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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