He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize